Aging disgracefully.

Dinosaurs. Dinosaurs, dinosaurs, dinosaurs. Dinosaurs. Just like Space, Ninja Turtles, and Game Boy cockfights between Pikachus that are setting up a generation to make Michael Vick’s extra-footballicular exploits legal by 2015,  Dinosaurs have been a notable phenomenon among young boys and sexually intimidating females.

dinosaurs on freaking pogo sticks.

Dinosaurs, Dinosaurs, Dinosaurs! was a VHS tape meant to capitalize on this. Produced by a very pre-9/11 Twin Tower entertainment, it seeked to educate youngish tots on recent developments in the fossilized world. Unfamiliar dinosaurs may be scary and frustrating to a parental generation that grew up on on simply a rock-paper-scissor relationship of Tyrannosaurus-Brontosaurus-Triceratops; but much as how their children were far more successful than their parents in setting their VCR to record G-String Diaries on HBO, it’s better that they learn about Ultrasaurus by VHS than about Ultrasaurus on the street. Surely, he’s been stamped into a drop of Ecstasy by now.

The main plot of the video follows our host (or perhaps the secondary host, the credits make it difficult to tell) as his friend (who may be the official host) Gary gets some sort of Dinosauritis and begins rapidly degenerating into a REAL LIFE DINOSAUR. Never mind the fact that this may finally give us insight into the color of dinosaurs, or if they ever came in hounds-tooth print: this is a really big deal to the other host guy, who flies to London to get some water from a pond of purification there. Educational filmographers take note: if the producers of this could justify a ticket to the UK just for some water, you can  justify to your producers a ticket to damn near anywhere. Use this knowledge well and you can get that educational orgy in Thailand you’ve always wanted.

Part two continues at what I’m fairly certain is the dinosaur exhibit on the California freeway that is now a Creationist museum. It leads through a cute automobile part-based dinosaur museum and then into the shocking revelation- Gary was not able to get the anti-dinosaur remedy in time. Thanks to the  Chiodo Brothers of Killer Klowns From Outer Space Fame, he is now a dinosaur with a taste for young boys.

Easy joke, I know.

Finally, we have here a taste of the prequel to Dinosaurs, Dinosaurs, Dinosaurs:

Perhaps most notable is that you can order the LP soundtrack to the series… with a small check to CERBERUS RECORDS. That’s right, send a check to the HOUNDS OF HELL and you’ll get a copy of the soundtrack in 3-5 weeks. Please do not play it backwards. Unless you want to risk becoming a totally a badass awesome DINOSAUR.

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 26th, 2010 at 12:43 am and is filed under cooler than being ice age, Dino damage, mustache. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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