Archive for SPORTS

Up the Mountains, Down the Icy Tubes.

It’s hard to even believe skiing was ever cool (no pun intended) at some point in time, in our seemingly endless post X-Games bubble. Sure, Warren Miller has managed to produce and release films of snowbound XXtremeness; most of which could easily be filed by accident in the adult section if going by title alone. Take, for example, 1985′s “Steep and Deep,” 1994′s “Vertical Reality,” and 2001′s “Cold Fusion.” All the same, skiing seems to be like golf in the eyes of our current generation, except even less cool. And less likely to get you in as many affairs as you do lost endorsements afterwards.

Maybe I’m out of touch with people who love to get in touch with pure whiteness, but as far as I’ve been aware in living somewhat close to some decent mountains that collect decent snow, skiing is considered kind of a codger thing. This is substantiated by the fact that the last popular snow-sport video game involving skiing was Tommy Moe’s Winter Extreme: Skiing & Snowboarding for the Super Nintendo Entertainment System; which, if anything, acknowledged that two skis would eventually become as converged as technology itself was becoming, resulting in ths transition to snowboards being totally badass.

Although I’ll have the box copy posted in full after the jump, if you’re one of those types who doesn’t want to put in so much effort without a damn good reason to continue then let me just quote one sentence off the back of the box: “If you don’t ski, you will!” Initially, I laughed off this statement. There’s no way they could get me to have thin sleds on both my feet after faking being able to skateboard for nearly 8 years. Then I actually watched the movie.

To be completely fair, this movie is also kind of a stalker-rape fantasy. Typical romantic comedy behavior is completely ridiculous when thought of in a realistic context (following a woman onto an airplane, then attempting to seduce her wherever you land with the promise of such as a treasure chest full of gold and you assure her this is not a euphemism), but this movie defies all that.


Watch DEATH OF ANALOG: Fire & Ice in Action & Adventure

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Blades of Plastic

Rollerblading has been around for over 20 years now, but it started as much more a rollerskating alternative than a “sport” as it’s now sometimes referred to as. Much like skiing is to snowboarding, it sought to make a less-than-fresh general concept into a hip new lifestyle choice that hopefully made your parents mad or at least confused.

Much like how aspirin is a generic term in America but trademarked aggressively in Canada, or how LEGO sends cease and desist letters to anyone who dares to non-capitalize the entire word or who makes the sin of pluralizing it, Rollerblades are actually a trademark. The proper term, as you’ve assuredly already heard at some point is “in-line skating”. But much as the Brits are dead set on using the term “Hoovering” to describe vacuuming (confusing most Cold War-era Americans into thinking they’re making some kind of slight towards J. Edgar Hoover), Rollerblading is very much a generic term these days.

in 1988, Rollerblade Inc. made what is known as an “Aggressive Inline Skate” for the first time, starting with their “Team Rollerblade Series”. This was not a skate designed to more smoothly roll across the living room and then beat your wife after your football team lost the first post-season game, but because they were meant to aggressively tackle terrain for sweet tricks and grinds. And like any good 80s-era company, Rollerblade made a VHS tape to go right alongside their initial product launch. This particular tape is from 1988 proper, and runs 120 minutes… however, it loops 6 times in this. This would indicate that it was likely meant to be exclusively a demo for sporting goods stores to play. 6 loops means less wear on both the tape and the VCR that has to play and rewind it. Shocking, I know.


Watch DEATH OF ANALOG: Rollerblade- The Team, The Skate, The Sport

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